The world is changing daily; people are being born and people are dying. Hate has made it’s face known and hurricanes have made landfall flooding people’s homes. Man. What keeps playing in my mind is something my mother told me when I asked her what it was like growing up during segregation. She told me, “Baby. They want to steal you’re joy. Don’t let them. Keep living your life.” I have been meditating a lot on this concept and I have identified that the biggest thief of my joy is my own indecision – not necessarily an outside enemy.
Making decisions are HARD. Well, if I’m honest not so much. What has always been difficult for me was the pressure that comes after a decision is made – there is the implication that you follow through no matter what happens and that makes me anxious. So to protect myself from my own anxiety I learned a great trick. I just stopped making decisions in my life and called it being faithful. I have done a great job of masking my indecision as faith. I would say, “I’m just going to throw my name in ALL the hats and see what God wants to bless.” In theory that sounds great, however, it really is not faith at all. Faith would be actually following through with the path that has been set out for me and committing to it; I on the other hand always had a safety net in case my faith fell through. This led to burn out, inefficiency, and no life satisfaction. Choosing one path is the only way to grow. If you fully invest, so can God.
Making decisions and being faithful requires courage. To fully make change and live your best life you have to actually DO what you decide. Someone has to yell, “Action,” and that someone is you; no one else can do it for you. Looking for a teacher to help me along my path has been another way I mask my anxiety. Again, no one else can DO my life for me. Each humbling conversation with a potential mentor always came down to a humbling truth. I needed to make a decision to act and commit to being consistent no matter how my circumstances change. This is uncomfortable. This is not fun. This is not immediate gratification. This takes courage.
Making decisions requires a village. Once you are clear about what to do, and you’ve finally gotten off the couch to do it, you need someone to hold you accountable. This is SUPER important so you don’t get distracted or discouraged. Faith, courage, and action are not one time behaviors they must happen continuously to maintain momentum; if not it is just kinetic energy that hasn’t been set in motion. Your village will call you on your stuff and make sure you are a woman/man for your word. They will let you know when your excuse is stupid and they will support you in finding a way around any obstacle. My husband told me his mentor will ask him, “Why haven’t you___?” He admits it bruises his ego but also challenges him to evaluate if his reasons are legit or holding him back from being great.
A few years ago I made the decision to stop hurting myself. Now, it’s time to stop blaming others for blocking my progress; it’s time to stop blaming others for hurting me. I have to make the decision to heal myself through decisive action. I have to be faithful, courageous, humble, and committed. What about you?
- Identify an area in your life you have been being “faux-faithful.” Make a clear decision about how to move forward in that area.
- Use the SMART acronym to make defined behavior change.
- S = Specific
- M = Measurable
- A = Achievable
- R = Realistic / results-based
- T = Time bound
- Tell a friend to keep you accountable
- Commit to it with your WHOLE HEART.
NEED HELP APPLYING THESE PRINCIPLES IN YOUR LIFE? MEET WITH ME PRIVATELY.
Sometimes we can “therapize” ourselves and other times we can not seem to figure out why things are so difficult. If you would like to meet with me to explore ways to become your best self, feel free to contact me (http://www.elisedaviscounseling.com). I offer individual therapy in private, comfortable spaces in Raleigh, NC and Durham, NC. Information about cost of services, insurance options, and availability can be found on the website.
If you are interested in integrating movement through yoga into your therapy process or personalized workshops please contact me via the same website.
E.N.D. Pain. Let go. Live,
Elise Nicole Davis