Today I am on vacation. Yes a real one. Great people are around, I am in the middle of nowhere, and I am feeling peaceful. The best part about right now… is that everyone is still sleeping and I get a getaway within a getaway. I get my morning. I get my coffee. I get to reflect on what is.
This past week I have used two of my favorite quotes in therapy. “It is not things that upset man, but the view which they take of them,” by Epictetus and “When I let go of what I am, I become who I might be.” I’m unsure who wrote the last one, but I do know I loved the quote so much I got it tattooed on my side in college. I wanted to always remember that my authentic self was a constant part of me; I wanted to push myself to let go of all the labels I’ve put upon myself and just be. I have revisited these quotes many times over the past few years to remind myself I have control over my thoughts and choices.
We have the ability to redirect our thoughts to a place that is beneficial for us. Yes there will be times where our thoughts are scary or brutally honest, but those are safeguards built inside humans to keep us safe. Those thoughts are beneficial. However, a lot of the time (at least for me) my thoughts put up an alarm when there is no threat or overestimate the possibility of threat. Those thoughts are not founded on any proof but fueled by doubt and crippling fear. Thoughts like these can completely change your experience with anything and keep you in a “what” state of being, burdened by labels and an inability to live like a free human. Your life then becomes under the control of something else; you in fact become an object.
In the spirit of lessons I learn from my clients and the message I received in church this week, I tried very hard to put my fear aside and to really redirect my thoughts yesterday. The trip up the mountain was scary and thank GOD it was dark and I couldn’t see how high we were. Despite all that, in the passenger seat I wanted to have a panic attack. I said to myself, “Not today. You don’t have fear. There is no evidence I can fall off this mountain. Bri (my neighbor) has driven up here before. The great state of North Carolina would have shut off the road if it wasn’t safe to drive on. God is protecting you.” It was not easy at first but I just kept singing Mumford and Sons, took deep breaths, and let myself have a life experience. Is it necessary something I want to do every day, hell no, but it did prove Epictetus’ point. I changed my view and I got up the mountain.
I kept thinking about other areas I can be intentional in reducing areas fear keeps me trapped instead of accepting each breath as my own, fueling who I am. I remembered how I hold my shoulders up tight alllllllll the time, which is a sign that an animal is in defense mood (if I were a dog my hair would always be standing up), and how I constantly hold my stomach in to not feel fat. “What is the point Elise? You are with good friends and in pretty good health. Let those shoulders down, there is nothing to worry about in this very moment, and if there were then be uptight then. No one cares if your stomach sticks out some. If it bothers you that much go do some sit ups and put down your vacation beer.” I had this conversation, well monologue, with myself this morning in the shower. So today, I will breathe. I will let it all hang out. I will work on my view of things so the thing itself does not become bigger than it is. Most of all, I refuse to be an object, a what, and embrace each breath as my own because this is my life… I am connecting to who I have always been.
This week, take time to really connect with the moment. Be intentional about your thoughts as that is the blessing and the curse of being human. Remember what you might be is really who you are right now under all that junk, breathe and let him/her exhale. Holding your breath sucks.
therapy 