Tag Archives: marriage

Lessons from the honeymoon: Play in all things

ImageJust a little fun in the rain ūüôā

Play. ¬†Do you remember that word? ¬†It was a magical time as a kid where you could be and do anything you wanted to. ¬†In the words of Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus, “Take chances, Make Mistakes, Get Messy.” ¬†Play allowed all of this and so much more. ¬†However, as we grew up play became separate from our life. ¬†For example, school clothes were for most of your day while your play clothes were only used briefly. ¬†Boy, did we put in work when the play clothes came out; digging in the dirt, hula hopping, or just building an imaginary Barbie world. ¬†I have realized play time¬†kept getting¬†shorter and shorter and is at the point where I no longer have play clothes at all. ¬†I have “work out clothes” or “yard work clothes”…. no play clothes because as an adult I don’t play. ¬†That is for children.

I’ve had a lot of time to think while on my honeymoon and have been reflecting on this loss of play in my life. ¬†Things are so serious. ¬†Everything is directed towards achievements and maintenance. ¬†As you can imagine this makes for a grumpy, stressed out Elise. ¬†Not what I want or, frankly, what I was designed to be. ¬†I decided while in Miami that play needs to be reintroduced, not just for recess time, but in all things. ¬†As stated in previous posts, we are told to “be as a child,” and in that innocence is truly living.

This notion came upon me while my husband and I were at the zoo. ¬†It was a lot of work, and money, to get there. ¬†I was worried about our schedule and budget. ¬†Then…. it started to rain, like torrential down pour rain. ¬†We hid under our tiny umbrella and then under a gazebo with other families. ¬†I, like I do, was listening to other peoples observations of the storm. ¬†People were frustrated, complaining, and fussing about how long it would take for it to stop raining. ¬†Somehow my mind silenced and drifted to a childhood memory of playing in the rain. ¬†It was such a carefree and effortless moment in my life; it was magic. ¬†Greg and I made the decision to leave the safety and security of the gazebo; we took a private tour of the zoo, playing in the rain. ¬†It is ironic how adults can take the gift of rain or time and make it work. ¬†Life is not work, it can be effortless if you just get out and play in the rain.

I did all other kinds of playful things in Miami but was worried about how I could bring this feeling back with me to my real life.  I decided to be intentional in creating playfulness in my every day life.  I am allowing myself to smile and giggle when my husband kisses me.  I was inspired by my niece to paint without direction and have no qualms about expressing my emotions during the process.  This morning in my yoga practice I focused on how I felt and redirected my patronizing thoughts to playing with my body.  As a kid we fell all the time, and God forbid, laughed about it.  I am aiming to reclaim the place were I allowed myself to play and experience humor in both success and failure.

Now go out and play.  Get messy, make mistakes, and authentically embrace every moment of it.

 

Safety

Let’s take a minute to talk about safety. ¬†The reason we don’t move forward with most things in life is fear and lack of trust. ¬†This has been talked about over and over in my posts. ¬†But how do you identify safety in a world that is full of trap doors? ¬†It’s a hard one, but it becomes clear when¬†train your brain to see reality and not your past.

Unfortunately this distinction is not¬†always¬†clear; even if you don’t flashback to an actual event you may revisit a similar feeling from a prior situations in which you felt taken advantage of, hoodwinked, bamboozled, had‚Ķ Skills can be learned to bring yourself back to the present moment to really identify what your needs are and if it’s a safe situation to get those met. Many times, I have to take a deep breath and say, “Elise, it is ok. ¬†_____ would never do anything to hurt you. ¬†What is it that you want right now?” The second part of this is to listen. ¬†The same way I’ve talked about listening to your authentic self applies here. ¬†Your inner voice not only tells you your dreams but also if those around you are safe people to nurture you.

This is difficult, but not impossible. ¬†Still after 6 years and a wedding this weekend I have remind myself daily that my fianc√© is not “out to take advantage of me” but his only desire is to shower me with unconditional love. ¬†Unconditional love means that my needs are above his and by nurturing me to get my needs met, he is fulfilled. ¬†It’s amazing and scary for me at the same time. ¬†However, I just have to close my eyes and say to myself, “Greg is safe. ¬†He loves me and has never shown me otherwise. I am safe.”

Who makes you safe and do you interact with them in a way that allows you to safely grow? ¬†Be vulnerable with them because they are safe forces in your life whose purpose is not to let you fall. ¬†When you acknowledge, accept, and explore your reality you will begin to experience ¬†true security, safety, and freedom. ¬† I’ll be back to do more writing, reflecting, and art post wedding! Everyone enjoy your safety.

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